My mom read my blog!! I can't explain how cool that is. Possibly the feeling may be captured by reading my post called, "The Blog!". But my mom read my blog! I think it could be funny, or possibly an entry in the DSM-IV, how at 45 years old parental approval means so much. Of course, she didn't evaluate the blog, good or bad, but my mom read my blog!
I am struggling with my own children's need of my approval. I always thought they knew how great I thought each of them were but for some reason none of them think I think they are good enough. And a few of the braver ones have been letting me know this lately. It is very sad because they are each so dear to me. They are my life as much as they at least say they wish I would get my own life. So now I am in this bind, because if I start telling them how great they are now they just think I am saying it because they said I never do. And when I do tell them they think I am just saying it cause I am their mom. Now if a dad tells their kid they are great, kids believe it, but when moms say it they are just saying it because they are a mom and that is what moms do. That was explained to me by more than one of my children. No wonder my kids are struggling with a need of my approval.
I guess we never outlive that need for parental approval. Although I am finding that it is not necessarily approval I seek from my parents but rather just that they notice my life. That they take time to listen to my heart, read my blog (hee, hee), see what is happening, and not fix it but just know if things are good or bad. And to take the time to say something as simple as, "Mike's [my late husband's] birthday is Monday." Well, that means so much. It means they noticed.
Life is good, cause hey, my mom read my blog! Thanks, Mom.
3 comments:
I wish my family would read my blog! Some of my family thinks blogging is a weird, dangerous thing to do. I tried to get my little sister to join me in contributing to my blog, but she's freaked out about people reading what she writes. She's definitely not a blogger, but why can't she at least read my blog? I wish we weren't growing apart, but this being her freshman year in college, I think she's trying to establish independence, even from me.
I had to change the way I write too because it is a public journal. I imagine I am delivering the essay in front of the congregation and my children, family members, and anyone I am blogging about are present. If I can't present it to the church, better not publish it in my blog (I took a chance with the chair and the silly putty entry... well they can work on the "Love each other anyway" commandment...hee hee).
I know it is difficult to pull away from those we love and feel we have guided and nurtured. But like everyone has told me about my daughter, she will come back. Sometimes it is the letting go, that let's them grow, and then the growing that fosters their appreciation for you. Sometimes it seems like you are growing apart but really she is growing so you can be even closer. You will be blessed by a new dynamic in your relationship with your sister as she grows up... an adult-adult relationship awaits you.
I read Thanks, Mom. And I remember the first time my parents came to watch me at a horse show. It was my life's dream fulfilled. I was riding at the American Royal and my parents were coming to watch. I had carefully instructed them on the frail time frames, and fluctuating schedule of a horse show. And they promised to be there.
As I readied myself and my horse, I fretted they aren't here! Then as I came to accept that they wouldn't be there in time, they walked up the barn aisle. Then my heart lept for joy and fear all at once!
What if we don't do well? What will they think? My mother bless her heart went into the stands and in 5 minutes had a crash course in horse showing. She was so proud of me, and I was so blessed!
Thanks, Mom! ( BTW, we took 3rd)
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