A Great Day to Be Alive!

I decided it was time to move past my anger management post. That post has served me well and I have to say we are all better now. There is an air of peace over our home which is such a blessing. It could be the weather... isn't it awesome! 60 degrees right in the middle of Kansas in February. I am talking about the weather, LOL! As you can see I have a touch of topic-block. That is similar to writer's block but in the blogging world it means not finding the inspiration for a well-defined subject.
It could have to do with the fact that I just completed the first and very rough draft of my book. It was over three years in the making. The procrasination was all mine and the grace of the Lord kept pushing me to the finish line. I am well ahead of my May deadline and taking a breather to finish up my taxes. After the taxes are filed I will be putting the final touches on the book and sending it off to publishers for their final rejections! Not really. I am going to pray about the publisher and let the Lord lead me to the one he is preparing for my query letter right now! Amen.
I feel the need to stop and breath in and breath out. Why is that? I suppose it is the sigh of relief and the breath of a new beginning. What will I do without that unfinished book staring at me from all the corners of my life and home? One guess... it probably has to do with manual labor.
Yes.. I suppose I'll be pounding in tee-posts, building fences. Did I mention the electric fence kicked my butt the other day? Wow, that packs a punch. I am certain my heart stopped. It didn't help that I had my other hand resting on the tee post. Right across the chest! My muscles are still requivering but I feel good. "It's a great day to be alive!" Praise God!

Anger Management 101

Today I got an interesting lesson in anger management. After throwing a little fit with the kids this morning, God dealt with me directly in my morning bible reading. If you know me really well, you may know that I have a tendency to once in awhile lose my temper, which doesn't mean I can't find it. I find Webster's definition of temper 3a-- just fine. 3a. A tendency to become easily angry or upset. However, it is definition 2 that I tend to lose. 2. Calmness of mind or emotions: COMPOSURE.
Since I have been walking with the Spirit, this is one area I have truly been working on. No more 3b's that make your husband insist you go out and wait in the car while he let's the repair shop walk all over us. 3b. An outburst of rage. It's not like I was making it up, they were going on an Easter egg hunt and we were paying for the eggs!
I have been doing a lot better since I got churched too. Not only was God convicting me of my 3a. temper but he was putting in place ways to help me control my fits of rage. We were just getting to know too many people to have a good knock down drag out argument in the middle of Walmart. But still when you feel you are being wronged, it's hard to keep that emotion down inside where things tend to be bubbling up and want to come out.
My kids are quick to tell me that what I thought I said politely was a little harsh. So last time I was getting upset at the Best Buy Geek Counter where the geek was explaining that my warranty may not cover the repairs because there was a dent on the front right corner of my laptop even though it had nothing to do with the power cord not working on the back left corner, I took a deep breath. I asked God for mercy, and blurted out, "I am trying not to get upset here but you are making me very upset." Then I forced a smile on my face and waited. The geek replied, "I am not trying to make you upset, mam. But I will write down that although there is a dent it is booting up. I just wanted you to know they may label it abuse which is not covered under the warranty. They will call before you incur any charges." With the deep breath I was holding in, I let out a "Thanks," and thought to myself, "It's your money Lord so I am just going to leave it in your hands."
The whole point of Anger Management is changing what we are telling ourselves in the middle of an emotional crisis. My morning's bible reading of Psalm 39 captured it so eloquently in these words of the Psalmist:
"I said to myself, 'I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say.
I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me.'
But as I stood there in silence--- not even speaking of good things--
the turmoil within me grew worse.
The more I thought about it, the hotter I got, IGNITING A FIRE OF WORDS."
Ever had that happen to you? You try not get angry but the harder you try the hotter you get and then the pressure builds up until it just pops the top and spews out your mouth.
I think there is a key phrase in this Psalm that could easily go unnoticed, "not even speaking of good things." Trying not to say anything just lets all that pressure build up but if we start thinking of something good to say it can really diffuse the emotions around the situation. Coming up with something good to say can keep your mind productive and off of the thoughts that make you hotter than you already are. I tried that when I said, "I don't want to be upset but your upsetting me." Its the best I came up but it was better than some of the things I was thinking about saying like, "You people are always trying to find ways to get out of paying for repairs under that warranty!" I thought it; didn't say it; Praise God!
Another helpful anger management tool comes right out of Psalm 39 as well.
"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me my days are numbered--- how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath."
We don't have time to rebuild the relationships that fits of rage destroy. Our time is fleeting and we need to use it wisely, building up the people we love, not tearing them down. Our days are numbered and we need to use them to encourage and build up every person we meet and interact with.
So, if you're like me, you'll need the tools from Psalm 39 to find that 2. temper. 2. Calmness of mind or emotions: COMPOSURE.
Here they are again:
#1 Speak out Good Things to defuse your inner turmoil.
#2 Be reminded how brief your time on earth will be, how fleeting your life is.
#3 Be reminded how your days are numbered and make each day and every interaction count.

Unforgiveness and Silly Putty

Unforgivness is like silly putty. You hide your silly putty in your pocket and it gets into the cloth of your jacket. You forget all about hiding it in your pocket until one day you stick your hand in your pocket and the silly putty gets stuck on your glove. You don't realize it is out of your pocket, no longer where you hid it but now on your glove. You reach out to hug your child and it gets stuck on the back of his coat. He sits down next to you at church and the silly putty gets stuck on the back of the chair. When he gets up and leaves for children's church, there it is. A large neon green blob is sticking on the back of the chair he was sitting in and you wonder... how the heck did that darn silly putty get out of my pocket onto that chair. So you sit in church trying to pick the putty out of the seat so it doesn't rub off on anyone's clothes.
The truth about silly putty is it gets in between the fibers of every peice of clothing it touches. You can remove the bulk of it but it leaves behind a slick surface where the putty is down in between each fiber ruining the fabric and transferring itself to every peice of fabric that touches it there after.
Unforgiveness is like silly putty. You hide an offense against someone in your heart thinking it is out of sight of out of mind. You forget all about hiding it in your heart until one day you open up your heart to someone else entirely and either can't love them or trust them and you don't really understand why. You don't realize it is an old offense that got stuck onto your new relationship. Even the way you love your children can be effected by the old offense and a little rubs off on them and the way they treat others. You don't even know this is happening until one day while you are sitting in church the Holy Spirit brings this person who long ago offended you to your mind. You think, "Why the heck am I thinking about that person?" And slowly the Spirit begins to pick at your heart removing the bits and peices of offenses and unforgiveness from deep down into the fibers of your very soul. Because offenses slime their way in between the hidden fibers of our heart, our soul, and our mind.
The only way to get rid of them is to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal your unforgiveness to you and start picking it out. I have also heard coating it with peanut butter before washing helps too!

To Delete or Forward, that is the Question!

I knew I wasn't going to buy into forwarding the email because of the threatening comment at the end that said if I didn't send it to ten people in 10 seconds bad things would happen. But it was a really good poem and I truly do have people on my email list I love and want to let them know I love them so possibly I could forward it on for that reason. Yet, I had already sent loving emails to much of my email list just prior to reading this email. So no pressure, I decided not to pass it on.
However, the dilemna I faced was do I reply to the sender and let them know that I don't believe in threatening emails of a superstitious nature. Or better yet, could I figure out who the originator of the email was and let them know that I believe superstition is the work of the deciever and God doesn't need schemes or threats to get his emails passed on. Was this a moment to instruct the sender in proper Christian behavior which was above superstition and good luck charms but rather a Christian should be walking victoriously in Christ without fearing threats of bad luck and doom on you chants?
HMMMM.....better 'DELETE.'
Now why would I delete such an opportunity to disciple a fellow Christian or evangelize an unbelieve? Although I felt I passed the first test immediately, walking in faith and not letting the fear of bad luck pressure me into forwarding the email, the decision to delete was simple. A house divided can not stand. The deciever wanted me to make a big deal out of the email and divide me and my family member on the good luck issue. Whether there was or was not good luck and therefore persuade me to engage in an argument and sever the relationship we were building. But this time, God had the victory... delete that scheme right off the page.
If I want to evangelize, I can just send out my own beautiful, loving email to the sender without any threats attached.

Grace and Truth

We all need grace and truth and boy, did we need it this morning. Well, I really need the grace part. We had an awesome teaching about grace and truth yesterday. At least that is the part that really caught my attention. I was unable to focus a lot while he was teaching about peace because I had a headache and was very irritable all morning.
Seems to be a theme this week, I was irritable this morning too and luckily remembered the message about grace and truth. You can not just get God's peace right in the middle of a heated argument with your son. Yes, I remembered that part of the teaching. You must build peace. The seed is planted and by God's grace it grows until you have peace before you even enter the situation which caused the heated argument.
The truth is we need to look at this situation that caused the heated argument, which actually wasn't an argument but was more about me complaining so much that the cashier at the gas station smiled and said, "Have a great day, mom!" To which I replied, "Thank you so much for listening. I feel a lot a better now." And we all, including my son, laughed on the way out. That was God's grace for sure.
So how do we build a foundation of peace for the next situation that arises out of the sheer frustration I have been having with this boy. I realized that is the problem. He is still a boy but the trickery comes into play because he looks like a man so it throws you for a loop when he acts like a boy. However, I know my job as a parent is to expect him to act like a responsible man and yet, offer grace when he blows it by recognizing he is learning to perfect that role and not very experienced at it.
I have no idea what my excuse is. This is my third child that has been in this phase and I still can't seem to get it right. Some parents just give up and shrink back from the truth. God gave us the responsibility to train up our children in the way they should go. I will not quit trying to do that, I embrace the truth, though I feel so unqualified for the task. Thank God for his grace.

Thanks, Mom

My mom read my blog!! I can't explain how cool that is. Possibly the feeling may be captured by reading my post called, "The Blog!". But my mom read my blog! I think it could be funny, or possibly an entry in the DSM-IV, how at 45 years old parental approval means so much. Of course, she didn't evaluate the blog, good or bad, but my mom read my blog!

I am struggling with my own children's need of my approval. I always thought they knew how great I thought each of them were but for some reason none of them think I think they are good enough. And a few of the braver ones have been letting me know this lately. It is very sad because they are each so dear to me. They are my life as much as they at least say they wish I would get my own life. So now I am in this bind, because if I start telling them how great they are now they just think I am saying it because they said I never do. And when I do tell them they think I am just saying it cause I am their mom. Now if a dad tells their kid they are great, kids believe it, but when moms say it they are just saying it because they are a mom and that is what moms do. That was explained to me by more than one of my children. No wonder my kids are struggling with a need of my approval.

I guess we never outlive that need for parental approval. Although I am finding that it is not necessarily approval I seek from my parents but rather just that they notice my life. That they take time to listen to my heart, read my blog (hee, hee), see what is happening, and not fix it but just know if things are good or bad. And to take the time to say something as simple as, "Mike's [my late husband's] birthday is Monday." Well, that means so much. It means they noticed.

Life is good, cause hey, my mom read my blog! Thanks, Mom.

Angels

He will send his angels with a mighty blast of the trumpet and they will gather his chosen ones from all over the world and from the farthest ends of heaven (Matthew 24:31)

Two men will be working in a field; one will be taken, the other left.
Two women will be grinding flour at the mill; one will be taken, the other left. (Matthew 24:40)

Send an angel before me to protect me on my journey and lead me safely to the place your have prepared for me. Amen.

Songs of Joy Anchor Each Day

"Where morning dawns and evening fades, You call forth songs of joy!" Psalm 65:8

God really laid this scripture on my heart one evening as I watched the sunset off my father-in-law's deck. I was in the middle of growing out of the darkness of grief and my days were emotional rollercoaster rides. The sunrise and the sunset became the anchors on my day. My refuge where I knew that no matter how my day was going I could go stand in the Joy of the Lord as the morning dawned and evening faded. I decided then that I didn't want to miss one of them on my life's journey, not one sunrise or one sunset, not one of God's songs of Joy!

The Haunting

We try to uncover the mysteries in the morning light, but there is a whole other world out on the ranch at night. We know this because our dogs carry on so barking at things we have never seen during the day. Often I will get up to see what they are so upset about but I can see nothing out in the dark. I believe them though because in the morning there are often signs of the other life. The pole barn is wrecked with garabage scattered or feed barrels over turned and attempts made to open them. I have had to strap the lids on now because whatever the mysterious animal is they have learned to unlock my lockable barrels.
Last night was a little different though. I was woken not by my dogs barking but by a cackling mix of wimpers and distant howling. The eeiry part was that the dogs were not barking and the cackling was moving closer to my bedroom window as it approached from the pole barn. Hairs rose on the back of my neck as they moved past and descended down into the lower pasture. There were many of them, possibly a pack, as they loudly moved past as if celebrating a conquest. I listened carefully for the sound of horses in distress but heard nothing. Again, I thought, why do I not hear the dogs that bark at every branch that blows by.
I got up and looked out on the deck to see if I could see them but I saw nothing except my Austrialian Sheperd sitting on a lounge chair with her ears perked but remaining very still and quiet. There was no sign of the puppy.
I made the decision to scope out the property in the morning. As the horizon lit up well enough to see, I would venture out and calculate the damage. The puppy ran up to the bedroom sliding doors as soon as I mentioned his name to my son who was preparing to brush his teeth. "Did you hear that pack, last night." I asked. "Funny, I didn't hear the dogs barking and Samson wasn't on the porch." Yelp, yelp, now he shows up at the door.
"What was it, coyotes?" He asked, "I knew we shouldn't have moved here. The place is haunted that is why the other people wanted to move."
"Coyotes are not ghosts. They are just wild animals."
"It's the night time. Anything you can't see during the day that comes out at night is trying to haunt you."
I guess we got haunted then but this morning I felt a little victorious, the horses were all okay, all the cats and both dogs showed up for the morning feeding frenzy, and to my surprise my strategically placed barrels had not even been over turned. Victory!

The Enemy's Camp

Last summer I had a vision during a personal battle with those who justify tolerance of sin. I was struggling to understand how Jesus could love sinners and yet, hate sin. God showed me the enemy's camp was like a POW camp where the lost and some unconvicted believers were held by Satan. As disciples of Christ we were to go in and rescue the POWs.
If you start bombing the camp, your mission fails. You must, with Christ's leadership, strategically go in and rescue them. These POW's are the lost and the hurting, the head strong and weak, strangers and our loved ones. They are not the enemy. Satan is the enemy.
Sometimes I feel like I have to convince them to leave. I know the way out but they don't want to come. We must show them through the testimony and witness of our own lives that it is better in the other camp. Satan is decieving them and they are convinced that they are right. Sometimes I listen to their twisted reasoning and they almost convince me. It is important not to stay in the camp too long or run the risk of be trapped in it yourself. However, we must continue to follow our leader into the camps to attempt to rescue them. The Victory has already been won. The time is now. The mission is clear.