Anger Management 101

Today I got an interesting lesson in anger management. After throwing a little fit with the kids this morning, God dealt with me directly in my morning bible reading. If you know me really well, you may know that I have a tendency to once in awhile lose my temper, which doesn't mean I can't find it. I find Webster's definition of temper 3a-- just fine. 3a. A tendency to become easily angry or upset. However, it is definition 2 that I tend to lose. 2. Calmness of mind or emotions: COMPOSURE.
Since I have been walking with the Spirit, this is one area I have truly been working on. No more 3b's that make your husband insist you go out and wait in the car while he let's the repair shop walk all over us. 3b. An outburst of rage. It's not like I was making it up, they were going on an Easter egg hunt and we were paying for the eggs!
I have been doing a lot better since I got churched too. Not only was God convicting me of my 3a. temper but he was putting in place ways to help me control my fits of rage. We were just getting to know too many people to have a good knock down drag out argument in the middle of Walmart. But still when you feel you are being wronged, it's hard to keep that emotion down inside where things tend to be bubbling up and want to come out.
My kids are quick to tell me that what I thought I said politely was a little harsh. So last time I was getting upset at the Best Buy Geek Counter where the geek was explaining that my warranty may not cover the repairs because there was a dent on the front right corner of my laptop even though it had nothing to do with the power cord not working on the back left corner, I took a deep breath. I asked God for mercy, and blurted out, "I am trying not to get upset here but you are making me very upset." Then I forced a smile on my face and waited. The geek replied, "I am not trying to make you upset, mam. But I will write down that although there is a dent it is booting up. I just wanted you to know they may label it abuse which is not covered under the warranty. They will call before you incur any charges." With the deep breath I was holding in, I let out a "Thanks," and thought to myself, "It's your money Lord so I am just going to leave it in your hands."
The whole point of Anger Management is changing what we are telling ourselves in the middle of an emotional crisis. My morning's bible reading of Psalm 39 captured it so eloquently in these words of the Psalmist:
"I said to myself, 'I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say.
I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me.'
But as I stood there in silence--- not even speaking of good things--
the turmoil within me grew worse.
The more I thought about it, the hotter I got, IGNITING A FIRE OF WORDS."
Ever had that happen to you? You try not get angry but the harder you try the hotter you get and then the pressure builds up until it just pops the top and spews out your mouth.
I think there is a key phrase in this Psalm that could easily go unnoticed, "not even speaking of good things." Trying not to say anything just lets all that pressure build up but if we start thinking of something good to say it can really diffuse the emotions around the situation. Coming up with something good to say can keep your mind productive and off of the thoughts that make you hotter than you already are. I tried that when I said, "I don't want to be upset but your upsetting me." Its the best I came up but it was better than some of the things I was thinking about saying like, "You people are always trying to find ways to get out of paying for repairs under that warranty!" I thought it; didn't say it; Praise God!
Another helpful anger management tool comes right out of Psalm 39 as well.
"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me my days are numbered--- how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath."
We don't have time to rebuild the relationships that fits of rage destroy. Our time is fleeting and we need to use it wisely, building up the people we love, not tearing them down. Our days are numbered and we need to use them to encourage and build up every person we meet and interact with.
So, if you're like me, you'll need the tools from Psalm 39 to find that 2. temper. 2. Calmness of mind or emotions: COMPOSURE.
Here they are again:
#1 Speak out Good Things to defuse your inner turmoil.
#2 Be reminded how brief your time on earth will be, how fleeting your life is.
#3 Be reminded how your days are numbered and make each day and every interaction count.