Relationship 101: Rule #1

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15: 12-13



   My thirteen year old son's aunt was graduating from college one Thursday evening and I had given him the choice to go with us to help her celebrate or to stay home. He was busy fixing up his room in hopes of getting a new computer over the weekend. He told me he was having a hard time deciding whether he wanted to go and help her celebrate or stay home and finish his project. He decided to stay home. "There are no do-overs," I said, "She will only graduate once."
   I got ready to leave and when I stopped by my son's room to tell him goodbye he jumped up and told me he was going with me. "I wasn't going but when you said there were no do-overs I realized my room project would still be here tomorrow but I could never go to her graduation again."
   The first thing to emphasize on any study about relationships is that relationships take time. "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." You have to give up time to yourself to make time for others even when it is something you'd rather not do. Sometimes just being with a friend is what they need. Maybe you sit quietly while they sleep in a hospital room or you sit in the audience at a service or program where all you give to them is a hug in a receiving line or a wave from a distance giving them only the fact that you showed up. How much you give will determine the depth of your commitment to the relationship.
   When my late husband was in the hospital I got a lot of phone calls from friends wanting updates and sending their best wishes but my best friend sat with me in the emergency room all night. She laid down her life for me so I would not have to go through the night alone. It wasn't comfortable. We slept in waiting room chairs. It certainly wasn't fun. I didn't feel like talking or joking or playing card games. I am sure she had a million tasks she put off to be there for me. But I can not imagine going through that without her there.
    My friend and I have always been good about dropping our lives to reach out to each other in crisis but as mothers of four kids trying to find time to enjoy each others company was more of a challenge. It is important to lay down our lives for each other in crisis as well as time to build the relationship in good times. When you need a helping hand moving, or a shoulder to lean on, or child picked up during your work day, a friend lays down their life and jumps in to help. Friends help celebrate the milestones and hang out in the quiet times, too.

     Rule #1 about relationships; Be there! Show up for the crises and the celebrations.